she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize