Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
