so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
