My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
