Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Pooping to opera.
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