drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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