I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
