I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
