my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
