We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
