i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
