Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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