I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
