a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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