im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
