I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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