Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
