matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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