I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
