plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize