also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
