but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
