why didn't you poke me back
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
