im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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