She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
