Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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