Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
