i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
