The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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