I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
