scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
