what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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