I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
