your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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