32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
