Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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