So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
