Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
