I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
