on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
