so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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