so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize