Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
