If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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