This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
