we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize