hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
