dude i'm inner monologue high
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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