I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
