Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
