he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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