So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
