Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
