his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
