so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
