yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
