i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
NoShamevember. You game?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
