Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize