hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
