Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
