If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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