it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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