How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
