so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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