Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
