no, he came in my armpit
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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