i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
