WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
