i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
