Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
