lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
