Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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