there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
