she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
