So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
