I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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