...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
