...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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