the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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