Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
