Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
