She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
