Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
