Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
