i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
