I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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