I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize