dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
