Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
